


Five Fuck You Haiku

by casey_sms (shinygreenwords), shinygreenwords



Series: Haiku Therapy [1]
Category: The Social Network
Genre: Drama, Epistolary, Fix-It, Haiku, Humor, M/M, Pining, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-15
Updated: 2012-01-15
Packaged: 2017-10-30 02:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/326941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinygreenwords/pseuds/casey_sms, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinygreenwords/pseuds/shinygreenwords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all starts with Mark's therapy assignment. A haiku fix it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Fuck You Haiku

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd ridiculousness. For the [winter tsn-a-thon](http://tsn-a-thon2.tumblr.com/): Team Parker.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck  
This is seven syllables  
Here is my haiku

Therapy is crap  
My name is Mark Zuckerberg  
I don’t write poems 

I need five haiku  
Haiku are fucking stupid  
Fuck, I don’t need this

So roses are red  
I have nothing to report  
Can I go home now?

Talk about feelings  
How do you feel about that?  
Stop asking me shit

*

“Funny, Mark. You have a great sense of humor,” says Dr Goldstein. “Thanks for reading them out. I want you to try these again, this time – focus more on your feelings. Poetry is a great way to express one’s inner self.”

“What right here? Now?” Mark says with a scowl. 

“Why not?” he says smiling with the smile of a crazy doctor who prescribes haiku as therapy. 

Mark rolls his eyes but he doesn’t bother arguing with Dr Goldstein because this therapist has an annoying habit of agreeing with him which defeats the purpose of arguing. Nothing ruffles this guy. He’s like Chris after he’s smoked a lot of weed except this guy has the power to prescribe antipsychotics. 

In Mark’s first session, he said nothing and Dr Goldstein watched him and took notes and it was really irritating and Mark eventually had to say something even though he just broke the silence. Which was what he had been trying to avoid doing. Dr Goldstein just smiled and encouraged him like he hadn’t been waiting for him to talk to him. Mark told himself that he was probably projecting smugness on his own shrink. He also felt that Chris should have let him use Web MD. 

So Mark picks up his pen and chews on the end. Yeah why not, there isn’t anything he wants to say anyway. 

“Why don’t you try writing about why you’re here. Write about how you feel about why you’re here,” Dr Goldstein interjects like he’s worried Mark doesn’t have ideas that can fit into seventeen syllables. 

Mark blocks him out. 

*

Chris made me come here  
He thinks I have depression  
Really, I am fine

Feelings are bullshit  
It is not that I don’t feel  
It’s a waste of time

People always judge  
Act like I don’t feel at all  
I don’t give a shit

~~I am not hiding  
What happened is in the past  
He left anyway~~

No one believes me  
When I say that I’m okay  
I am fine, just fine

Fine means I’m alive  
Alive means I am breathing  
I am filthy rich

*

“Mark…there’s a haiku that’s been crossed out, do you want to tell me more about it?” Dr Goldstein asks.

“No,” Mark says stubbornly. 

“This is the first time you’ve mentioned someone else. I think you’re making great progress.”

“No, it isn’t,” Mark argues. “I mentioned Chris. Are you saying Chris isn’t a person? That’s pretty insensitive of you.”

“My apologies,” Dr Goldstein says placating. “What I meant is, this is the first time you’ve alluded to your former best friend. Can you tell me more about him?”

“I’d rather write five haiku,” Mark says, pronouncing ‘haiku’ like ‘fuck you’. 

*

His name? Eduardo  
He was a sophomore but  
It never mattered

I called him Wardo  
He took care of me sometimes  
He was my best friend

We made thefacebook  
But he didn’t understand  
I did not want ads

I asked him to stay  
He didn’t listen to me  
So I let him go

He froze the account  
He wasn’t right for Facebook  
I did the right thing

*

By the time he’s done, it’s actually been over an hour. An hour of him sifting through his memories, trying to remember what happened, objectively, and knowing that his words can never be objective. An hour of him thinking, thinking too much about whether the words were accurate, too personal or could be improved. The latter gets him a lot. It’s like coding. He always feels like it could be perfected – a change here, a change there. 

He shoves the paper at Dr Goldstein, on top of whatever he’s doing, and leaves. 

On the way home, Mark pulls over into a side lane. He can’t stop thinking about what happened and the memories he’s brought to the forefront of his mind again. These are the things he doesn’t like to dwell on. 

*

Writing honestly  
If I had another chance  
I would do the same

I don’t regret it  
Choices are of the moment  
Hindsight is perfect

These two verses are scribbled down on the back of a receipt so hard that he rips through the flimsy thermal paper with his pen. 

I would forgive him  
Without an apology  
Because I miss him

Wardo – he haunts me  
He wasn’t my only friend  
But he was the best

*

He scrunches the receipt into a little ball and shoves it in his pocket. It’s just a stupid therapy exercise. 

Thing is, he can’t stop thinking in the format of 5-7-5. He takes to writing haiku for everything, everywhere. It doesn’t matter if people will see them, or they won’t. The words just flow out of him. 

*

I’m CEO, bitch  
This means I go to meetings  
All fucking day long

To my assistant:  
I’m busy right now, okay?  
Don’t pick up the phone

To Dustin and Chris:  
I’m fine. Please bring beer and games.  
Let’s get really drunk.

This is the News Feed  
You will like this new feature  
Because I said so

Meatlovers’ pizza  
Barbeque sauce, extra cheese  
Delivery please

Intern with red hair -  
I know when you’re not working  
Sincerely, your boss

Mu shu pork, chow mein,  
Fried rice with sea food pancake  
For takeaway thanks

*

And if he has drafts in his inbox like these, no one has to know. 

Fuck you, I was right  
You didn’t listen to me  
Your hair looks stupid

Remember Kirkland?  
You were always there for me  
I always miss you

You missed the meeting  
Don’t be a fucking coward  
I miss you so much

It rained hard today  
I shouldn’t have left you there  
For that, I’m sorry

I gave you money  
I don’t owe you anything  
I just want you back

I think I love you  
I think you used to love me  
Wardo, I know now

I’m so drunked now  
Wnat to call youuu up nd sy  
Hi Wardo, wassupppppppppppppppp

Singapore sucks balls  
I want you to come out here  
You’re too far away

“Mark, are you writing haikus?” Dustin says suspiciously. 

“No,” Mark says, alarmed. “Why would you think that? Besides it’s _haiku_. Haikus as plural is wrong wrong wrong.”

Dustin just shoves a piece of paper at him. It has in size 48 font, 

Dustin Moskovitz,  
Stop hacking my computer  
I am watching you

“What?” 

“That’s probably a joke.”

“You’re writing poems to Wardo! I looked into your comp. I think it’s sweet,” Dustin says, dragging out the last syllables. 

“You did what?” Mark splutters. “That’s an invasion of privacy.”

“Pfft. You really should send them. Stop pining. Send them.”

“No.”

*

At lunch, “I think you should send them.”

“No, Dustin.”

*

Text message from Dustin: 

haikus are so cute  
like poems only shorter  
stop pining and send

*

Mark sends one back:

Private means private  
Haiku is plural, dickface  
Now leave me alone

*

To: Mark  
From: Dustin 

you make me sadface  
please? just send him one haiku  
one tiny haiku

To: Dustin  
From: Mark 

I don’t care. Still no.  
My final answer is No.  
Stop bothering me.

To: Mark  
From: Chris 

Is there something wrong?  
Will I need to call legal?  
I’m worrying Mark.

To: Chris  
From: Mark 

Dustin is nosy  
Everything is just peachy  
Just ignore Dustin.

*

Mark codes and codes and tries to stop thinking about everything. 

*

But instead of coding. 

He finds himself writing. 

I wish you would call  
I just want to hear your voice  
Why don’t you call me?

*

It is then he decides to send a haiku. Just one. 

To: Wardo  
From: Mark 

This is a haiku  
Just seventeen syllables  
It’s never enough

*

He doesn’t think Eduardo will respond. 

There’s no response for days.

*

Mark tells Dr Goldstein, handing him all his haiku with this on top. 

I know I messed up  
I was young, drunk and stupid  
I think he hates me

*

To: Mark  
From: Wardo  
Subject: Five Haiku 

I have had some time  
To think about what happened  
It has been three years

I miss my best friend  
My shrink makes me write haiku  
I write about you

I have a whole book  
Mark, you wouldn’t believe it  
Stupid therapy

But I am here now  
I’m sorry, I forgive you  
Mark, I still love you

You know my email  
I’m giving you my number  
Keep in touch, call me?


End file.
